The doctor to the patient: "You are very sick" The patient to the doctor: "Can I get a second opinion?" The doctor again: "Well, yes ... You are very ugly too"
A: I'm in a big trouble! B: Why is that? A: I saw a mouse in my house! B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap. A: I don't have one. B: Well then, buy one. A: Can't afford one. B: I can give you mine if you want. A: That sounds good. B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap. A: I don't have any cheese. B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap. A: I don't have oil. B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread. A: I don't have bread. B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!
Young Larry stopped by the corner grocery store and read the following list to the clerk:
10 pounds sugar at $1.25 a pound 4 pounds coffee at $1.50 a pound 2 pounds butter at $1.10 a pound 2 bars soap at $.83 each
"How much does that come to?" asked Larry.
"Twenty-two dollars and thirty-six cents."
"If I gave you three ten dollar bills, how much change would I get?" said the boy.
"Seven dollars and sixty-four cents," stated the clerk who appeared to be irritated by all the questions.
Larry said, as he disappeared through the door, "I don't want to buy the items...that's our arithmetic lesson for tomorrow, and I needed some help with it."
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I". MILLIE: I is... TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, "I am". MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
20 comments:
A man visits God and says "God, do you mind if I ask you a
few questions?" God says "No, ask me anything at all."
So the man says "God, you've been around for a very long time,
so, for you, how long is a thousand years?"
God replies "For me, a thousand years is only five minutes."
The man then says "That's interesting God. And, for you,
how much is a million dollars?"
God replies "For me, a million dollars is only five cents."
The man says "Really? Well then God, could you lend me
five cents please?"
God looks at the man, smiles, and says "Of course my son.
Just wait five minutes!"
I have a Microsoft waiter
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.
[Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[The waiter leaves.]
Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . $1.00
Hello! My joke:
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.
Byebye!
What is a penguin's favourite food?
An iceburg-er
*This is a dialogue between a teacher and a student.
-Teacher: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
-Clyde(student): No teacher, it's the same dog.
This is my joke:
A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!
by: María Suárez López
Do you speak in Inglés?
*How?
Do you speak in Inglés?
*I don't understand!
I say if you can speak English!
*Ah! Perfectly.
Why is two times ten the same as two times eleven?
Because two times ten is twenty, and two times eleven is twenty, too!
Hi! This is my joke. I hope you enjoy it.
What is the difference between a cat and a dog?
· Dogs think: Humans are benevolent, they feed me, and take care of me, so they must be Gods.
· Cats instead think: Humans are benevolent, they feed me, and take care of me, so I must be God.
xD, hahahahahaha...!
GoodBye! :D
Hello!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side :D
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
#I hope you like it. xD
This is my joke!!
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
Young Larry stopped by the corner grocery store and read the following list to the clerk:
10 pounds sugar at $1.25 a pound
4 pounds coffee at $1.50 a pound
2 pounds butter at $1.10 a pound
2 bars soap at $.83 each
"How much does that come to?" asked Larry.
"Twenty-two dollars and thirty-six cents."
"If I gave you three ten dollar bills, how much change would I get?" said the boy.
"Seven dollars and sixty-four cents," stated the clerk who appeared to be irritated by all the questions.
Larry said, as he disappeared through the door, "I don't want to buy the items...that's our arithmetic lesson for tomorrow, and I needed some help with it."
Hi!This is my joke:
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I".
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, "I am".
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Belén:)!
Hello! My joke:
Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Bye!
What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?
Rotisserie chicken.
What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?
Rotisserie chicken.
Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns.
Billy: Who, me?
Teacher: Very good!
-What happens in the African jungle from 6 a.m. to 8 a.m. every day even on sundays?
-two hours! jajajajaja :P
What kind of hair do oceans have?
-Wavy!
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